The water in the Ahsa wells has drained down into empty spaces (see above diagram) left by oil extracted from the massive Ghawar oilfield sitting below the sand - a huge sea of the black stuff measuring 280 by 30 km and accounting for more than half of cumulative Saudi oil production. Five million barrels of oil are pumped out of it every day - 6% of global production. The 10 million palm trees in the oasis are wilting as the water – source of all life - disappears down black holes while an insatiable thirst for black gold sees it frantically pumped up from below. Additionally, average water consumption in the Kingdom is double the world's average, thus highlighting the truth in the sandy adage: Screw the water, we want cars!
However, like water, thubs too are now an endangered species thanks to locals who kill and eat them or Texans who nail them to walls. In fact al-Ahsa has a Thub Restaurant called Chez Mustafa’s Reptilian Bistro and from the menu diners can choose from Thub burger, Thub cheeseburger, Thub pizza, Thub rice with raisins (or without), Thub sandwich, Thub dog, Thub kebab, Thub nuggets and Thub pie with gherkins and/or ice cream.
“The meat of the lizard becomes delicious in the spring season,” bon viveur and lizard hunter, Hammad Al-Fawaz, informs us, for want of anything else to eat. “The lizard feeds itself from spring plants and therefore its taste changes. This is the period during which it becomes delicious.” Doctors warn against over indulging as it is high in cholesterol and protein.
On reptile.com, or some such weird shit, a local aficionado, Mr al-Matrudi, said, “There are several ways to hunt the dabb (Ahsa vernacular) lizard. One is by pouring water into the hole and forcing it to come out.” Thus demonstrating an additional insane manner by which water is completely wasted. But this doesn’t deter his thub-lust because he adds enthusiastically, “Another is by chasing and hunting it - especially if it is far from the hole - using a firearm.’’ As a result, numbers are now dwindling, just like the water.
Alongside the dopey thub is the malicious scorpion, a different creature altogether. A cunning and nasty inhabitant of the sand that is difficult to spot and will go behind your back and attempt to eliminate you with its venom. An entirely untrustworthy little bugger, in much the same way as a wasp, in it has no value in the whole scheme of things other than being (often literally) a pain in the backside that attacks for no obvious reason other than spite. They’ve been around for 430 million years, way longer than early man who appeared between about two million and four million years ago, with the ability to walk upright and climb trees, a useful attribute when escaping tigers. The Homo group (snigger) — including our own species, Homo Sapiens — began to evolve about 2 million years ago and has been ravaging the planet ever since.
As Greenpeace so eloquently put it, ‘If we condense this inconceivable time-span into an understandable concept,we can liken Earth to a person of 46years of age. Nothing is known about the first seven years of this person's life, and whilst only scattered information exists about the middle span, we know that only at the age of 42 did the Earth begin to flower.
Dinosaurs and the great reptiles did not appear until one year ago, when the planet was 45. Mammals arrived only 8 months ago; in the middle of last week man-like apes evolved into ape-like men, and at the weekend the last ice age enveloped the Earth. Modern Man has been around for four hours. During the last hour, Man discovered agriculture. The industrial revolution began a minute ago.
During those 60 seconds of biological time, Modern Man has made a rubbish pit of paradise. He has multiplied his numbers to plague proportions, caused the extinction of 500 species of animals, ransacked the planet for fuels and now stands like a brutish infant, gloating over his meteoric rise to ascendancy.'
All this goes to show that people need nature. Nature doesn't need people.