First up is a Bahraini sheikh (tribal leader) and member of the ruling Khalifa clan whose family's kleptocracy keeps all the nation's cash and shoots or, at best, imprisons anyone who disagrees with them.
Bahrain, as we all know, is a pub and whorehouse for Saudi Arabia. Apart from a proliferation of sports bars, the little island state isn't exactly known as a sporting powerhouse. It's very well known as a pub and whorehouse catering to Saudi Arabia as well as the home of the American 5th naval fleet ... say no more.
The second candidate for total command of FIFA is a Jordanian prince (keep it in the family) whose country is also not exactly known as a sporting powerhouse ... say no more.
Third up is Jérôme Champagne of France who already has FIFA experience in how to collect cash and whose name suggests a taste for the high life; a bon viveur ...
Fourth comes a man with an intriguing name, Gianni Infantini, from Switzerland, a nation famous for shady bank accounts extremely beneficial to the very well-off with shady money ...
And fifth is the improbably named South African businessman Tokyo Sexwale ... insert wide-eyed smiley.
They should give it to someone involved on the playing side of the game and obviously doesn't care about money, like Dennis Bergkamp who gave away a lot of his salary to charity, or Arsene Wenger who openly expresses a distaste for how it is corrupting the game.