The stars of the show are four white guys who stand on a stage and bitch about each other while figuratively blowing their own trumpets. The format is similar to Blind Date and the American voters are like the person choosing the would-be amour and being taken out on the razzle, which in this case could be four years in the White House, Washington DC.
Mrs Bachmann is a bible-basher and likes to tell all and sundry that God speaks through her and guides her actions. While making these claims she didn’t exactly demonstrate too many spiritual qualities, instead resorting to rabid rants worthy of the Taliban and a witch-hunt, aimed at anti-American Americans, worthy of Joseph McCarthy.
Economic policy: tight-assed capitalist with no social conscience, “If we took away the minimum wage … we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”
Going hand-in-hand with unfettered capitalism is the anti-environmentalist: “But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”
Doh!
When out of the contest, she announced, "I look forward to the next chapter in God's plan."
Next!
That sounds promising, but he doesn't stand a chance of winning, mainly because he is, despite outward appearances, intelligent - a personality trait that sits uneasily with Republican voters.
On abortion he wants to preserve the women's right to choose and also to preserve the sanctity of life; ke kicks Reaganism's butt only to smother it with kisses a few years later; virulently anti-illegal immigrants, until he employs one to mow his lawn; adamantly refuses to sign a no-tax pledge, then signs it; totally against bailing out big business and Wall Street until the economy collapses and then he's all for it.
War-mongering is a pet subject of Mitt's and he's well up for blowing the crap out of Syria and Iran, just for the sheer hell of it - hey, it makes great TV!. Interestingly though, he avoided the military draft, like Bush, due to his multi-millionaire, string-pulling father - a factor of high value to any wannabe Bozo.
Mitt is a Mormon who wears special Mormon underpants and drives his dog around in a kennel tied to the roof of his car. This man could hold up a plank and say, “Hi, brother!”
“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love,” Mitt stated, with a serious expression on his face, and Dr Paul sniggering at his side. When he added, “I like being able to fire people who provide services to me,” Dr Paul's sides split and he fell off the stage.
One of Newt's ambitions is to have moon colonies by 2020.
Economic policy: Lobbied for Fanny Mae, the real estate company that did the most to destroy the American economy and whose bail-out will likely cost taxpayers $224–360 billion in total. Better brush up on the math, Newt.
Foreign Policy: Bomb the crap out of anyone who doesn't do as the USA tells them to do.
Out of a slew of clangers, Rick's most memorable incantations include:-
Food stamps (to help those out of work) should be stopped because people are too fat!
Contraception is "a license to do things"!
Obamacare would "kill his child" - he argues that health care is a luxury and should only be available to those who can afford it!
JFK made Rick puke when he was a kid.
And guess what? Like Michele Bachmann, he's a devout Christian! On a mission from God! And delivers his best lines on this subject:-
“What I'm talking about is onward American soldiers. What we're talking about are core American values.”
“What I’m asking all of you tonight is not to put on a uniform. Put on a bumper sticker. Is it that much to ask? Is it that much to ask to step up and serve your country?”
Foreign Policy: Bomb the crap out of anyone who doesn't agree with him.
Having watched his very own TV station Rick TV, the conclusion is to send him to the exclusive Californian Sanatorium for Dicks, along with this guy ...
This is a man who fancies himself as the financial guru America needs to solve the floundering economy. Yet Chump's ego has airbrushed the numerous times that he has been bankrupted himself.
President Obama hit the nail perfectly on the head when he described Chump as a ‘carnival barker'. And Barry's right, just watch as Chumpy simply stands on the same spot repeating the same lines: "We need to get the economy going," he screeches. "We need jobs!” Chumpy presents absolutely no arguments as to how he’d stumulate the economy or make these jobs, he just repeats it all over again. "We need jobs ...!" Blah blah blah.
All this economic expertise is overshadowed by his catastrophic business failures: Trump Air, Trump Vodka, Trump Entertainment (filed for bankruptcy three times!) and Trump Mortgage – all went bust, as did his wretched appearance on the Republican Party game show. But, hey, it sure helps if you have a rich father to bail you out and Chump does own the Miss Universe competition.
The final word goes to Zbigniew Brzezinski former National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter, “I’m embarrassed to be an American when I see those Republican debates.”